Six?!! He can't be!

It doesn't seem possible!  How can he be SIX!?! We are phasing into "friend's" birthday parties.  Also, my first year I didn't make him a cake!  The joys of inviting all of Carsen's classmates has brought birthday parties to an all new level!  Just over all fun and letting go of some of the small details that just-dont-matter anymore.  Simple, fun and RETRO!

My attempt at bowling pins filled with candy…these suckers used two bags of jelly beans.  I don't take any responsibility for the way the kids acted after they ate two bags worth! :)

All I wanted to have was balloons everywhere.  That is what Carsen would want!  So, he got balloons...

School was called off due to a storm…but Carsen had the best group of kids that made it anyway!

I walked Carsen into his party room and before we walked in, I made sure to explain to him that this was HIS party and that I did this all for him.  That he is a special little boy with friends coming to celebrate HIM!  When he turned the corner, he took off walking.  ALL BY HIMSELF!! 

My dad was such a great help on getting him around so that I could do other things!

Such an awesome grandpa!!!

Hold steady...

I got this, its a piece of cake!

Who needs chairs...

Carsen's buddy Cale, such a sweet kid!!

And one of his favorite girls…Addison!  

The kids just loved bowling!!!!

Best buds...

And he's off...

Hold on Carsen!

These two girls are such great friends to Carsen.  A mothers extra little blessing are sweet kids like these.  All the little things they do to help Carsen!

Little brother shows up...

A group picture is a must…and look…Carsen is standing on his own!!

Balloons were a must for this reason…That smile…he LOVES hitting them!

Present opening is interesting…all the kids loved having him open THEIR gift!

His gifts included nice notes, homemade books, balls, cars, twizzlers, trucks and markers!

Such a great party.  So much to celebrate.  Turning six sure was a breeze, especially since he started doing so much! This is a special year for him!  I couldn't be more proud and so happy that Carsen could have a party with his friends there! Nothing makes me happier than to see him belong!

Unexpected

Carsen's IEP meeting came around this Fall and I had asked them to put him on the "potty!" I explained, nicely that it took me four years to get him to go #2, on the toilet.  They granted my wishes to place him on the potty before and after nap time, just like every other student gets to.  I didn't expect him to show results so soon!  Yesterday, I picked him up and his para whispered, "He went potty two times!"  I asked, "What!" Wondering if I had heard her right.  I was so excited that we had Matt pick up DQ on his way home from work to celebrate.  This may or may not be a coincidence, but we needed to treat it like it was real.  I came home from my evening workout and Carsen had gone again!  What a day!  Even better news...he did the exact same thing again today!  Three times, two days in a row.  He gave me high fives and lots of smiles when we talk about it.  It feels good to actually get the chance to start training him for real now.  We have had our moments trying and hoping but had to wait until we had more signs.  I am being hopeful!  Praying this stays!

Saddle up!

Ok, really old post, but have to get it in the books!

Miracle horse riders...the most wonderful people ever!  Carsen is in complete heaven.  Total peace to his little body and just rides away until they make him stop.  Such a big boy and a trooper! 

He likes to look back and Jace and I!

But, when it comes time to taking his picture, he avoids me...

Holding a strangers hand...seriously adorable...

Showing me his helmet!  He loves all the ladies attention! 

Thankful!

I am so thankful for those helping Carsen this year.  The past two weeks one of his para's has been using a cane for herself due to bone on bone pain to her hip.  She walks with a cane, while she walks Carsen in his gait trainer.  The dedication she has to walk down the hall with severe pain, hold her cane under her arm and hold Carsen upright amazes me.  He has been slouching in his gait trainer because he likes to be well, "Lazy!"  I dont blame him one bit.  Therefore, I am thankful for a hard working para to push him past his comfort zone, even when she is beyond her comfort zone.  I am curious, how do I thank her for her efforts?  A million thank you's just won't cut it!

Dear Carsen

Dear Carsen,

This has been such a big week for you!  I want you to know how proud I am of you.  You are such a brave boy.  Your ability to trust amazes me.  I push you into school and direct you in every which way and you keep your patience.  It makes me believe that you know exactly where you are headed, you just need help getting there.  You have learned to trust many new adults this week.  It would be so scary to look these strangers in the face and not know if they would be able to meet your needs.  They said you were hitting which made me so sad because you are not a hitter.  How frustrated you must have been.  I am writing you this because I know someday someone will read this to you and I want to make sure you know how hard I tried to teach everyone what you want, when you want it and how you request it.  I am so sorry things are so hard for you.  I felt so bad when you couldn't handle the loud music in the auditorium.  Although, you got to go swing, it still didn't seem fair that you had to miss out.   I am so sorry that things are so hard for you.  I promise you we are all working hard and getting something to help you communicate and I know someday it will click.  I promise!  You are surrounded by so many wonderful women.  The kids in your class think your braces and walker are pretty cool!  And I KNOW you love them all very much!  Belle has been a big helper and pushed you all the way into school, down the hall and to your classroom.  You have a wonderful friend!!  I love you so much sweetie and will never give up on you!

Love,
Mom

Carsen- 5 year old pics

We were blessed to have won two free photoshoots this summer and have another photoshoot with my family.  I decided to still try and conquer 5 year old pictures with Carsen.  Just wanted to capture that smile of his one more time this Summer.

He has become quite the grown up 5 year old.  Asking for more, pushing away when done, and being big brother.  We have had quite a few rough days this Summer and I am hoping the school year helps.

Still love peanut butter and jelly, ice-cream, popsicles, milk, and anything sweet!  His balance has improved tremendously but isn't consistent.  His favorite activities include swinging, riding horse, swimming, listening to music (he sits under the speaker at home so he can hear it better), reading books all by himself, and being tickled by daddy.  He also loves to take the nuk out of Jace's mouth and flant it around like, "na na na, I got your nuk!  He is still super silly and has such a sense of humor!!

Lately he will walk so well, I feel like i could just let go, but he gets so scared to fall (rightfully so) that he panics and turns around and grabs for me.  He just started to lead us around the house and keeps bringing us to the walk in shower that he loves to play in, to the door to go outside and the washer/dryer.  He definitely knows where he wants to go and what he loves!  He is so aware of so much and I keep realizing how much he really knows.  Such a blessing but wish he could communicate it.  Feeling so blessed to have his smile, giggle and charm in our life.  The past five years has been a lot of work for him and I am so proud of his ability to trust those in his life and keep trying on his good days.  Off to kindergarten he goes, and I couldn't be more excited for him to have this awesome opportunity.  All I remember is the room that the special needs kids went to everyday but the cafeteria and watching them roam the halls for a break.  These days are different and all I think lately is that someone fought for this opportunity, many people cried, had meetings, disagreements, and to think it has all come around to him being included into a typical classroom with his friends.  So many mixed emotions at this time of year, mostly sadness for his tough days but feeling blessed throughout it all because at the end of the day, I still have him.

Proud Mama moment

I am more than a proud mom, but also a proud wife.  Waterama has a magic mile and Carsen's cousin Kyler was going to run it with his dad, and we wanted to include Carsen.  Matt decided to push Carsen and Jace in the stroller.  As you can tell, Carsen loved going fast, seeing all the people and I think he knew he was racing...at the edge of his seat...

I was watching with Matt's cousin Carrie and I heard her say, "I am gonna cry."  I looked at the finish line and Matt had taken Carsen out of the stoller to let him finish on his own.  We both cried.  And the crowd cheered him on...

Way to go buddy!

Carsen ended up winning 1st place in the 5 and under age group, his medal is coming in the mail and I can't wait to give it to him!  Even though he didn't actually run the 8:00 mile, he still finished and worked his butt off to get across that finish line.  And Matt, he gets a smile on his face to know he has included his son in something we both enjoy, racing.  He said,  "I got to the finish line and decided, this isn't about me anymore."  This has not been an easy road for Matt as he is good at everything he does.  He is brilliant, athletic, funny, determined and the hardest worker I know.  When life threw him for a loop, he had to learn to accept, trust and saddle up for the new adventure.  I am so proud of him.  I am so proud of Carsen.  I am so proud of Jace for sucking away on the little nuk and being a good little brother!

Something Changed, for the better!

Something changed.  My little boy doesn't seem so little anymore.  Matt and I are so proud of him that I can't even put it into words.  As with any child, it is hard to predict their temperament, and how they are going to react.  Every parent deals with it.  Since Jace graced us with his presence, I have been scared to go out in public with the two of them alone.  I have a fear of one of them freaking out and then trying to tend to one's needs and then not being able to care for the other.  I can still hold and pick them both up at the same time, but it really isn't something I want the public to witness because it isn't so graceful. It is the survival pick up.  It works.  It isn't something I want to do, but have to.

We went away for the weekend.  Our Summer time getaways are non predictable and throws the kids off.  In the past, Carsen would lose it at some point and it would all go down hill from there.  Not this weekend.  He dealt with late nights, driving to fergus, loud noises at the parade, a million different stimulus, loud music at a dance and just no routine at all.  He tolerated it and when we would look at him he had the look of, Hey mom and dad, I am a big boy and I can do this.  Makes me want to squeeze him a million time over and over.  That is what we did too.  Lots of hugs and kisses for a little boy that had struggles and now a big boy that wants to be good.

This needs to be documented because this is a HUGE milestone in his life and in our parenting!  I am feeling very blessed today!!

Blessed!

There are many women who have come in and out of Carsen's life.  Mostly all positive, cheerful, energetic women.  Their gentle spirits have guided us through every step of the way and gotten us to where we are now.  I am so thankful for the many women is Carsen's life right now including his grandma's, three amazing aunts, matt's cousin Brandi, my mommy friends, and his teaching staff and his therapists.  We have been blessed to have Meghan as Carsen's para throughout the past year!  I don't know how someone so amazing landed in our life.  It was like God saying, "Here ya go Kelly, take a break, let Meghan dig in, you deserve it!"  She had new energy, the time to worry, new motivation, open arms, fresh ideas, fun loving spirit and she happened to win over Carsen's heart.  The first day Carsen went to school this year, I was a wreck.  I was called in to come pick him up because he couldn't tolerate it and was disrupting everyone around him.  It was humiliating as a mom to have no control and to just want to have that normal mom's life.  Walk into school, drop your kid off, get a kiss and hug and worry that they will be okay.  That would be beyond amazing.  After the first few weeks, I got that and it felt so wonderful.  I felt like I was buried into a deep hole and couldn't get out and slowly I was able to climb out and see some sunshine.  So refeshing.  Meghan gave me that.  She gave me the biggest gift a mom raising a special needs child could get.  I kept telling her throughout the year, you will get it when you are a mother on your own.  She gets it, she gets the humiliation, the frustration or hard work in every step of the day, the nap time routine being disrupted and dealing with a tired boy, she got the question from kids that are hard to answer, she understood my confusion and as much as I felt bad for her, it was so nice to know that she was dealing with it the same way that I was.  Really, not much you can do about a lot of his day but try again.  Keep the focus on what is best for him and push on.  I was given the best gift.  How do I thank her?  Oh, how I will miss my break.  She made life so nice!  And I gained a great friend out of the deal!  Not many mothers can say that about their kids para's!  I am so blessed because my son was given an amazing caregiver, snuggler, tickler, and wheelchair pusher.  Not to mention they create great art together!  I have faith that we were given such an amazing person in our life, and a small break, that I am at peace with her saying goodbye.  She gave us the best our son could have.  We are thankful for the chance we got and are hopeful that we have other years like this last.

Our new family blog!

I am assuming a lot of you are wondering why I don't post anymore!  I plan to update Carsen on this blog occasionally, but find that I want to have a blog where I can include Jace.

Check out another one of my blogs, sigh....

www.theshabbyschmittys.blogspot.com