Carsen Talk

I am so excited! I think I figured out how to store, view and share my videos from my DSLR!  This was my first video upload.  Carsen likes to "talk" with his daddy!

Therapy Thursday!

My alarm rings at 5:45 A.M.  I am curious as to where the night went because I feel like I have only slept an hour.  I am realizing my late evening workouts are disturbing my sleep.  I am quite certain I burn more calories at night than during the day.  Exhaustion of an early morning brings me to my feet and ready for the day!  I have my coffee in hand (with low-fat creamer and 1 tbsp of sugar, they cancel eachother out :)  I also have Carsen's camo braces, special socks, puma shoes, vitamin water and Carsen in hand.  It is 7:01 A.M.  We drive off into the dark morning and I notice slivers of sunshine trying it's hardest to peak out from the horizon.  I have a lot on my mind this morning so I am thinking a 50 min drive is exactly what I need.  Most thoughts that drift through my mind are of Matt and Carsen.  I ponder about all the little things in my life I am so grateful for.  I feel so blessed to be Carsen's Mommy.  I know I have said that in just about every other post, but I feel so priviledged to be the mother in town who has challenges and that others can see that I am not perfect, I have difficult days and I make the best of them.  The blonde and the brunette have been so much fun to get to know.  They listen to me, grieve with me and laugh with me.  Sometimes, I hate where I live.  To be honest, I think it would be so awesome to be surrounded by other kids in the same situation as Carsen.  Lately, I am realizing that he doesn't need to be like all his friends.  These adorable little munchkin's we have running around are the BEST for Carsen.  I will have to blog more on those cuties later.  I am rambling and my brain has so much to process today.  Since I am thankful for so many people, I have to mention a few of Carsen's therapist's.  Today was a short day.  He had OT first and then PT.

Carsen's OT Chrissy, working on picking up wooden cookies.  He loves to clap them together and push them around.  He has been working on putting and object into a bucket instead of only taking the object out.  No tears with this fun activity! Chrissy is great at keeping Carsen focused and challenged!

New tasks are fun for me! As I am sure they are for Carsen.  Carsen tried out the Lite Gait today for the first time.  It allows him to use partial weight and to be supported while walking on a treadmill.  I really think he is going to improve his balance and strength with this device, so I am excited. 

Carsen's PT Tasha, is helping him maintain correct positioning.  She has been with Carsen from the start of therapy and has been awesome to work with!!

Carsen is giving me the eye, I am worried he will be able to run longer than me one of these days.  I am up for the challenge!!

Thankful days are the best.

Now, a nap with Carsen would top off our day!! 

3 years ago...

Three years ago, tonight, I was 39 weeks gestation and routinely cleaning my house until 11:00 P.M.  I was getting ready for the arrival of our first child.  Little did I know, I was nesting.  How could I not have recognized that?  Anyway, my house was spotless so nothing else really mattered.  My head hit the pillow and the first one came.  I thought, "Okay, that was totally a braxton hicks, right?"  Five minutes later, another one. 

Me: "Umm, Matt, wake up...I have had contractions for 10 mins." 

Matt:  "Are you sure?"

Me: "Ah yeah, I'm sure, these are painful!!"

So, I get up to shower and within 15 minutes I am already rocking back and forth.  (OH GOD!!!)

Needless to say, I had spent the next 8 hours rocking with pursed lip breathing in Carsen's room, watching Matt sleep on the floor. 

My Nurse Midwife and I were talking about my unusual labor about a year ago.  She said "I still don't know why you were in so much pain."  I stated that it was probably just that he was face up.  She said, "I haven't had a delivery like you had, since, and if I had, I would have quit my job." 

After 18 hours, enough was enough, I was shot and signed myself up for a C-section.  (I told them they could kill me if they wanted :)  Something just wasn't right I kept thinking!

Three years ago today, I was able to hear him cry and finally hold him in my arms...

"It's a Boy!!"

His name is Carsen Thomas. 

I hope blood doesn't bother any of you reading this.  My favorite part of this picture is Matt squeezing my hand and trying to be behind the curtain with me, but peeking to get a good look at his little boy!

Matt was so proud to hold his little buddy that he couldn't take his eyes off him.  I, of course, am so out of it that I just kept smiling for the camera.

He had the most amazing dark, soft hair.  A whole 8 lb 5 oz!

My little angel!  I am so blessed to have Carsen in my life. 

Happy 3rd Birthday Carsen!

Mommy and Daddy love you so much!

Diary Post # 2

Aww...days off.  There is nothing really like them.  You know those days off that you don't even care if you do anything productive.  Yes, one of those days!  That is the kind of day we had!  Only, I actually did shower, put my make up on, a few loads of laundry and some therapy time with Carsen.  I didn't feel pressured to get anything done.  I wish i felt like that more often. 

Working part-time has been one of the best decisions I have ever made.  I don't know how those mom's that work full time do it.  How do you get those loads of laundry done?  Healthy supper's? Workout's? Appt's made?  I always say my time off life, is going to work.  I am able to shut out my life, my stressors, my worries and just enjoy taking care of people that need some TLC.

This has been a rough week for Carsen.  (As you can tell by his last post)  He was not digging daycare much either.  Now, that his daddy is gone for 4 days, he is stuck with boring mom.  I am trying to play fun, goofy dad.  I am getting more giggles than usual, so I must not try hard enough!

Today, I put Carsen in his new birthday gift!  He had worked hard on standing and using those skinny little arms to hold him up.  So, I gave him a break.

I threw a little ELMO on...and he was off in la la land...

He wouldn't even crack a smile...Just studying the movie.

For those of you that don't get to see Carsen tired very often, he sucks his two middle fingers on his right hand and covers his fingers up with his left hand.  He started to cover them up when he was really little so that we wouldn't pull his fingers out of his mouth.

Playing with his lip...

Maybe a little bit of a smirk???

Uh oh! I am busted!

Our new favorite exercise!  Put him in a corner and have him stand.  It is so cute to see him so tall.  He doesn't fall over this way and is more confident with standing.  Why didn't we think of this before?  He loves it!  And I enjoy doing something new!

Playing Peek-a-boo! (The black on his nose is still from his cow balloons!)

The beautiful flowers Matt had sitting on the counter when I got home yesterday.  Just because.

They smell amazing and Carsen thinks they are pretty cool too!

I am excited to see what tomorrow brings!

Carsen's "Sorry" Letter

dear bridget, mary, sharon, kristin, sonia, all other therapist's and all shoppers at the hallmark store,

i am so sorry for being so crabby today.  my mommy is so annoyed with me today that she is sitting at the computer eating left over frosting from my birthday party.  i think she gets frusterated when she drives 2 hours for therapy and then i cry the whole time.  i really love you all and think you are the best, but i was just trying to tell you that i wanted to play at home.  as soon as i got home, i had so much fun playing with my cow balloons and giggling at mommy while she took pictures of me on the floor.  sometimes, she has no idea what i need, so she just plays with me and everything is all better.  just so you all know, i am not sick, tired, hungry or mad...i just wanted to get your attention today.  i love you all so much!

this is how happy i was when i got home today...

love,
CARSEN

(He is a stinker, love him to pieces but I don't think that many fits in a day are necessary :)

Diary Post # 1

Okay, it has been a LONG time since I have pushed the "new post" button.  I realized today that I have 6 drafts just waiting to be sent.  I won't send them because I think "those are NOT complete and they arn't getting my point across yet!" 

I injured my knee running outside when it was "warm" out!  (35 degrees)  Just another reason to hate Winter right?!  So, as I was using the ARC trainer tonight I was dreaming up an idea on how to encourage myself to blog and send right away.  I want to remember the little things Carsen has done that are so important to me! 

WARNING to all my blog readers: Don't read any blogs that are titled Diary Post's.  They are going to be pointless to you.  They are there for the little things in life that I don't want to miss.  The things that make me the happiest!  Just an FYI to spare some time!  ha ha

Rambling and moving on...

I am all dressed to go to spinning class tonight, I pulled Carsen's wet little body out of the tub, put a diaper on and he giggled and giggled and giggled at me.  UH OH, I thought, "he is in one of THOSE moods!"  He gets super goofy and playful! I lovvvvvve when he gets this way!

I dash to get my camera and just start shooting...

That hair just kills me, when it gets longer he curls like that after his bath!

Yes, that is a smile, and yes, he inherited that top lip from me...what a lucky boy!

Pat-a-cake

Silly giggles!

Okay, so I was 10 minutes late for my spin class.  Do you think I cared when I got there?  NO WAY!  I smiled at the girls in my class and said, "I was playing with Carsen."  Tied my shoes, adjusted the bike, focused into our amazing instructor and got that heart rate up to 165 bpm for 45 mins.  Burn baby burn!!!

Life is fun!!!

I Won't Let go!

This new song makes me think of Carsen. The lyrics are perfect for so many people and in so many different situations. I couldn't wait to share it! 

Carsen and I working on 4 point in Alex.  He was doing so good and all I wanted to do was just hold him!

Sweethearts!

As I shopped with some friends today, I noticed Valentine decorations and displays. 

It made me think of my sweeties, Matt and Carsen. 

They are my complete life and loves. 

My favorite thing in the evening is to watch the two of them play together. 

These two adore eachother.  

When they are together, I see the true meaning of love. 

Pure JOY and HAPPINESS.  As simple as that!

My Valentine's!



Winter fun

As I eat my bowl of light vanilla icecream, smothered in chocolate syrup, I am reminded by the chilly winter we have had!  It is never too cold here in MN to eat a huge bowl of icecream!  It is sinful, yet rewarding!

Even though I am really hating this winter, I am loving the sunrise I saw yesterday morning!  Spectacular to my eyes!

Makes me wish for summer with the wave like appearance.

Carsen was not impressed the day he had to drive around with me to take pictures!

Thank goodness for my camera, I am getting bored with this Winter. 

I even started my Spring cleaning today!

Small progressions

Carsen had a busy week!  We skipped a day from therapy in Alex.  I cannot express to you how much fun it was to take a day off therapy.  I didn't feel guilty AT ALL!  I felt like a rebel and kind of liked it!  I think it helped to get the encouragement from our lovely therapy staff to take a small break!  When I am motivated I feel good about myself and Carsen.  I have the desire to constantly push ourselves and find everything possible to help Carsen.  Do I like this about myself?  Ummm...not really.  I stress myself out.  I have a harder time taking "ME" breaks.  Then, I forget about "Carsen" breaks.  I guess that is why I am surrounded by such amazing people in my life to help me to see that!

Instead of focusing so much on the perfect timing of getting Carsen to eat, sleep and drive one hour to help Carsen perform his best, we did other things.  I went to visit my best friend, Genie, in Fergus.  It was so refreshing to drive North, instead of Northeast.  I absolutely adore Genie, her husband and his parents!  They competely LOVE Carsen and are so good at looking past his disabilities and seeing his "cute" side.  I lived in Fergus for 3 years and when I go back I have such a peace as soon as I lay eyes on that town.  It feels like home to me and I so thankful to have gone this week!  We also were able to take the time to visit our miracle friend.  The past 3 weeks have been complete HELL for my friend and their family.  They have shown us true strength and commitment!  My good friend Cassie, her twinny boppers, Carsen and I brought out lunch.  I felt pure Joy as I was able to catch up with my friends and watch my miracle friend Aaron walk and walk and walk!  Instead of focusing on Carsen, I was able to focus on good friends and relax some!

Our life includes teeny tiny progressions.  This week at daycare, Carsen scooted up to another kids tray and ate her food right off the tray.  Keep in mind, this kid doesn't like to feed himself ANYTHING!  It is one of our biggest challenges!  Our amazing day care provider Ruth, once again was so observant in this change of Carsen's and couldn't wait to tell me albout it!  Way to go Carsen, you proved you can recognize when you are hungry and have to ability to scrounge for left over food! :)

My adorable Mom stopped by after work the other day.  She was showing Carsen her gum and blowing bubbles.  Somehow, she lost her gum and was unable to find it.  After the both of us searching for the gum underneath her, under Carsen and around the couch, I noticed Carsen chewing on something.  "OMG...you are chewing on grandma's gum...give it to me, spit it out, CARSEN...Carsen, Carsen, fine..."

So, I had to dig it out...

Somehow, I snapped a picture inbetween all this..that look on his face says, "Mom, chill out, I'm just chewing some gum!"

Our small progression this week includes Carsen learning how to find lost gum and put it in his mouth!  Way to go buddy!  Needless to say, we laughed pretty hard about it.

So, here is my question.  Would I have noticed the small things that Carsen did this week if I would have been so focused on going to Alex, getting there at the perfect time and doing well at therapy??  Maybe not.  I am so thankful for this slower paced therapy week so that I was able to enjoy the best things in life.  Friends, Family and low key days!  I am sure Carsen appreciated it more!