Saturday, February 18, 2012

As we wait...#2

A whole year has passed since our last neurology appt!  We pull into Noran Neurological Center in Minneapolis with a whole new attitude.  As a family of three we have come so far!  Our last visit here was so heart warming and difficult at the same time.  With the confidence the three of us Schmidgall's had walking into that office, I didn't possibly think that I could be touched as much as I was one year ago.  I can't figure out whey I think I can't be changed any further.  Why I believe I am so used to our life that no one else can touch my soul.  Why is it that I believe I have cried all my tears but to form new ones?  I am touched once again.  I wish I could copy and paste my feelings into this post.  The atmosphere of the neurological center is one I have never once experienced before and I wish more people could be touched in their lives like I have.  Yes, I believe I am one blessed mother and wouldn't change Carsen for the world.  I would just want to make life easier for him.

Matt carries Carsen up the flight of stairs as I tag a long, contently.  We see a small girl all dressed in pink.  Her mother is by her side to push her in her rather large wheelchair.  She doesn't even have the muscle tone to open her eyes and she needs supports surrounding her just to hold her head up.  I wonder what life must be like for her.  Not able to communicate even with a blink of an eye.  I pray for her.  That could be any one of us or any one of our children.  God give her mother peace.

As we go through the sliding doors to check in, we stand behind the most beautiful little boy.  The video cameras in the place would have spotted me with a huge smile.  He was beautiful and looked just like Carsen. I am not kidding.  He had the smile of a little boy that just enjoyed life the way it is and will be forever.  He used his automatic wheelchair with a joystick and made his way through the very large waiting room.  By now he caught on that I adored him.  He kept turning his head to see me and then would come stroll by in his wheelchair to get closer.  Matt walks up to his mom and asks, "How old is he?"  "Nine." She said.  Then he says, "He is someone that inspires us!"  We were both in awe of this kid.  He is called away for his appt and I immediately begin to sob.  As I can hardly hold back the tears and full blown emotion, Matt and I visit about how much he is like Carsen.  How blessed we would feel so see Carsen be independent like that someday.  I am touched in my life just briefly by this kid.  A child that has so many more stresses and no body control, carries a smile like that?  I am inspired beyond words.

As another small girl screams continuously for who knows what reason, as we are called in by Dr. Burstein.  Matt says I flirt with this 60 year old guy.  It cracks me up.  He is such a special doctor in our life.  He has listened to our every hurt and understands it.  To feel understood is such a wonderful feeling.  He has basically counseled us through our hardest moments and now can see a change in us.  In our 20 minute conversation with him we get compliments from him.  Compliments on our parenting, our decisions, or goals, our future, our family and the small details with Carsen.  I know he can see the change in us.  The positive attitude.  Our willingness to move forward in life.  The love we have for our little boy.  The compassion we have for those with special needs.  I am so happy to be on the other end of the crazy grieving process.  It is my greatest accomplishment and it feels fabulous.  Beyond ever finishing any half marathon, or triathlon, or 10K race.  God has been good to us!

As Carsens little head is measured I begin to tell Dr. Burstein how I think every parent should sit in that dreadful waiting room.  He is slightly puzzled by this.  I suppose it would seem harsh.  I don't mean it that way.  I know how I feel every time I am there.  Blessed, but reminded that Carsen's life will always be difficult.  There is no better lesson in our life.  To feel blessed because there is always someone that has it so so so much worse and someone that has it better.  It is what you make of your situation.  Complaints get me no where in life.  He then says to me, "I think there are many parents in that waiting room that wish they were you guys."  I agreed with him.  Even though Carsen cannot walk, talk or feed himself, he is able to smile, giggle, joke around, scoot and bring so much joy through his silly personality. As a family, we are hurting far less than many of those other parents or children that are actually having to live in a body with little control.  

These are the lesson's in life that are worth writing and sharing.   Special needs children that change a person.  They change me in a split second and I will never forget how brave they have to be in order to enjoy their life.  God is good!



Monday, February 6, 2012

My Inspiration

I was inspired today.  So much, that I feel the need to share it with my readers.

I witnessed true courage.  I have a lot of pictures to prove it but will keep them to your imagination.

There are always wonderful moments of opportunity to witness courage at any marathon or triathlon.

The grueling attempts to swim, then climb on a bike, and finish running at a pace never done before, is beyond hard work.  There are times in life when people give up.  Easily.  But, there are times in life when people don't give up.  They show me Courage.  Strength.  Determination.  Stubbornness.  I am inspired today by that person who showed me just that.  I am reminded about putting life into perspective.  Each and everyday is a challenge, just as a triathlon.  You prepare for it.  You have good days and bad days.  To many average people, those bad days are wished away.  I have learned that those bad days need to be cherished and thought upon.  Learn from it.  Move on.  And you will find a stronger person.  One with more strength than ever before.

While driving the other day, I had the time to listen to the Christian station.  Out of a hour long conversation about raising children and learning to let go, I got this out of it.  "To raise a courageous child, you must first be a courageous parent."  Do you think that leading by example is an important part in raising your children?  Yes.  To raise a child with Courage, be that strong mother or father.  It will get them farther in life that you could ever imagine.

I witnessed courage today.  This courage was shown to me by someone I love very dearly.

My mother.







(I thank my mom for continuing to show me true strength and courage.  I had the perfect example growing up and ofter wonder where I get my determination from.  That is a gift from her.  From her choices, her actions and her amazing ability to keep going.  Thank you mom for the best gift! I love you!)