Thursday, September 30, 2010

Fall Photoshoot

Mr. C decided to charm us with his beautiful smile.  Auntie Alissa captured some precious pictures!

Check them out!






















How will I pick which ones to blow up??

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Scooter

Carsen might get a new nickname.  You should see this kid!  He is moving all over the place!  I was feeling guilty this evening.  I took time out of our family day to go for one last, long bike ride on a gorgeous Fall day.  The whole 20 mile ride I missed Matt and Carsen.  I wondered, "What was I missing out on at home?"  Thinking, "I should have stayed home."   I couldn't resist time to myself!

 Matt had put Carsen down to play on his colorful play mat.  When I walked in the door, I was surprised to find that Carsen had a new play space...




He wanted that little tiny strap to play with under his high chair.  It may be something only a mother would think was cute, but I was so proud to have seen him move so far to get something so little.

For this...he may be called "Scooter."  But, only for a little while, I am sure he will find some new activity and we will move on from this stage.  That would be fine by me!



Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Carsen's "RUNNER"

I remember that day like yesterday.  That day had finally come.  Our 6th grade one mile run for phy-ed!  I was so oddly excited!  You see, I have looked up to my Dad, FOREVER.  Since he loved the sport, (yes, running is a sport) of course, I was going to thrive off running.  It was only natural for me to live for that race day.   Mom was there to video tape my run and cheer me on.  All I cared about was what my Dad would say or think during that gruesome one mile run.  Now, this is where Carsen comes into play, finally!  Carsen was about 12 months old, undiagnosed, with a desperate mother.  I was willing to do anything to find answers for my little buddy.  All of a sudden, there was a commercial on T.V. that had the most adorable boy I will never forget.  His name was Noah and he had Cerebral Palsy.  Watch this 30 second video...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iaNokB9uCtE

He calls his walker his "runner"!  I just heard that Noah is walking without his "runner"! Amazing huh?  Well, he has been my inspiration for Carsen.  I always questioned, "Will Carsen ever walk? Will he ever talk?, Will he ever say mama or dada?  Will he be able to communicate his needs to me?" In the past year it was very important for me to include Carsen in as many therapy sessions possible.  I felt like every long drive to Alexandria would be worth it.  This month I found out how worth our efforts have been.  My driving him to therapy was nothing compared to how hard he has worked to achieve these goals.  Two weeks ago, I was waving to Carsen in the mirror like we do as we pass by.  He LOVES to watch himself in the mirror.  I was tired from a long shift, did the usual wave and said, "hi Carsen".  The most angelic, sweet little voice drew out his first word "hiiiiiiiiii"  and then he repeated it two more times.  Words can't describle how emotional I was at that point! We screamed for Matt to come and listen but of course he was done.  Since that day, we have heard him say it two more times.  Do you realize how amazing it was to hear the voice of my child who has never spoken to me?  This means I CAN and WILL teach him to talk.  Then, he preceded to amaze me by using sign language to show me that he wanted "more"!  Carsen's special Ed teacher (not to mention the best teacher EVER), his OT and Speech therapist have worked many hours into teaching him to sign for "more" and it was finally accomplished and purposeful!  Okay, it gets better!  Carsen has been sitting really well by himself for a while now, but has learned to spin around in circles while playing.  Just this week he started to scoot himself forward on his butt.  Again, what a joy to watch!  I know I am bragging...but it is a good brag.  Better yet, I am not done! We ordered a gait trainer (basically a fancy walker) for Carsen to start learning how to walk.  He is not only walking by himself in it, he is walking up to a 1/2 mile.  This is where the running comes into play! :)  He has learned if he starts to walk really fast, then he can start to run a few steps, then glides with his legs up and takes a ride.  My little guy is running!!!  When I had Carsen my dad would mention how Carsen's legs would "run a 4 minute mile"!  Always a little bummed by that statement knowing that dream was probably not going to happen.  I guess we had to change our dreams a bit!  I never pictured a walker in our dreams.  I am so proud of Carsen in his "runner".  If you ever take a drive out by our house, you will see Carsen doing his daily walk.  He even inspires men driving by in cement trucks.  The smile on the faces of those men when they see him working so hard makes me so proud to show him off.  Well, see for yourself!!  He looks a little like this... (watch video below)



Carsen in his red "runner," sporting his camo braces! :)




Carsen showing off his moves...guess I couldn't get the video flipped, ENJOY!

What do you suppose he will be showing us next week? 
I guess time will tell!  I have already been blessed a million times!




Wednesday, September 8, 2010

An Old House

I am awake.  It is 3:36 A.M.  Unable to sleep. Why can’t I sleep? I have been awake every night for the past 2 weeks, unknowing what is wrong with my child in the middle of the night. Matt lays our soft, sweet little boy next to me in bed, and for once, he is sleeping and wants to cuddle. Why can’t I sleep? All that comes to my mind is an old house.

Carsen started to watch cartoons. What a blessing! Sesame street was teaching the four seasons. Sounds simple, but how do I teach my son the amazing 4 seasons? How will he learn this? How did I learn this?

There are comforting noises in our house.  Why is the noise of a running toilet comforting? Why is the noise of the hard wood floor creaking comforting? The old house! There is an old house only a few miles from me that has kept me up tonight. Why?

It brings me back to my flower, dark navy wallpaper. I was told this week that is has all come down. My shelf with my favorite pictures has gone away. They took it away!! My memories, my childhood, my comfort! When I think of my room, I remember the noises of the toilet water running, floors creaking, hollow doors being knocked on, old telephones ringing, mom laughing, dad visiting with mom, the fireplace screeching, piano music (how I miss this and am thankful for Pandora) the sound of feet running across the floor, Mark's giggles, Ryan’s laugh, Katie’s gentle voice, a basketball game in the basement, the garage door opening, constantly. What a busy house…and it is busy with four new kids!

I thought, this is how I learned my seasons. I recall Fall time.  My dad taught me that. How did he do it?? The smell of his hunting clothes, the sound of the gun in a distance and the noise of the dog barking outside. Winter. The howling winds through my window, the warm food mom has made everynight, the smell of chlorine in my hair. Spring and Summer remind me of the smells of fresh cut grass and our family spashing in the pool.

There are memories of an old house that keep me up at night. What is it about a childhood that keeps an exhausted mother, wife and nurse up in the middle of the night? What smells or thoughts will Carsen remember? This is how I will teach my son that has difficulty learning. My actions, the food I make, my laugh, Matt’s voice, the music played, the noise of his wave machine, the sound of the heat kicking in and the sounds of our prayers, .

Although that house has been redone, my childhood memories and past cannot be taken away! How I miss my family. Look at what God has done in my life. I am blessed.

What a powerful old house! Now, let me sleep!!

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Welcome to Holland!

I am often being told "I don't know how you do it."  Referring to my child with special needs.  It is difficult to describe the feelings of raising a child in general, but to describe to demands of raising a child that needs much more attention and time.  I found a quick story to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel.  It's exactly like this...



When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting! After months of eager anticipation the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says,


“Welcome to Holland."


“Holland?!? you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy. But there’s been a change in the flight plan.


They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.


The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place. So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills…and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.


But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy…and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there.


And for the rest of you life, you will say, “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.


And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away…because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss. But…if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things…about Holland.


This story describes my feelings exactly! No better way to put it!  I am learning to love Holland very much!  It is just a new normal for us and we are very blessed and happy!




Carsen is enjoying time in the backyard!