An Old House

I am awake.  It is 3:36 A.M.  Unable to sleep. Why can’t I sleep? I have been awake every night for the past 2 weeks, unknowing what is wrong with my child in the middle of the night. Matt lays our soft, sweet little boy next to me in bed, and for once, he is sleeping and wants to cuddle. Why can’t I sleep? All that comes to my mind is an old house.

Carsen started to watch cartoons. What a blessing! Sesame street was teaching the four seasons. Sounds simple, but how do I teach my son the amazing 4 seasons? How will he learn this? How did I learn this?

There are comforting noises in our house.  Why is the noise of a running toilet comforting? Why is the noise of the hard wood floor creaking comforting? The old house! There is an old house only a few miles from me that has kept me up tonight. Why?

It brings me back to my flower, dark navy wallpaper. I was told this week that is has all come down. My shelf with my favorite pictures has gone away. They took it away!! My memories, my childhood, my comfort! When I think of my room, I remember the noises of the toilet water running, floors creaking, hollow doors being knocked on, old telephones ringing, mom laughing, dad visiting with mom, the fireplace screeching, piano music (how I miss this and am thankful for Pandora) the sound of feet running across the floor, Mark's giggles, Ryan’s laugh, Katie’s gentle voice, a basketball game in the basement, the garage door opening, constantly. What a busy house…and it is busy with four new kids!

I thought, this is how I learned my seasons. I recall Fall time.  My dad taught me that. How did he do it?? The smell of his hunting clothes, the sound of the gun in a distance and the noise of the dog barking outside. Winter. The howling winds through my window, the warm food mom has made everynight, the smell of chlorine in my hair. Spring and Summer remind me of the smells of fresh cut grass and our family spashing in the pool.

There are memories of an old house that keep me up at night. What is it about a childhood that keeps an exhausted mother, wife and nurse up in the middle of the night? What smells or thoughts will Carsen remember? This is how I will teach my son that has difficulty learning. My actions, the food I make, my laugh, Matt’s voice, the music played, the noise of his wave machine, the sound of the heat kicking in and the sounds of our prayers, .

Although that house has been redone, my childhood memories and past cannot be taken away! How I miss my family. Look at what God has done in my life. I am blessed.

What a powerful old house! Now, let me sleep!!