Snuggles

Any of you mom's out there just snuggle the breath out of your child/ren?  After a fun filled daycare party at the bowling alley, I was so proud of Carsen and all I wanted was to be close to him and not let go.  You know, that bed time routine where you are suppose to read books and lay them down by themselves?  Didn't happen.  Just a needy mommy tonight and a little boy loving the snuggles.  I just love that little baby in Carsen when he sucks his fingers (yah, I know) and bats his long eye lashes and just stares into my eyes, and all curled up into a ball in my arms!  Then watching him fall asleep and to hold him tight through his dreams.  If you haven't done this lately, I highly recommend it!  Best dose of medicine!  Happy Snuggles!

I am just down to a sore throat at this point.  I say JUST.  I am so thankful that the rest has gone away.  My conversation with Matt the other night went like this,  "If I die, will you marry someone who runs slower than me?  and don't marry one of my good friends...or one that lives far away from here, okay?"  Of course he was laughing at me, but I was serious.  This was in-between a temp of 103, shaking chills, dehydration, throwing up, tonsillitis, extreme weakness and glued to the bed.  At one point I jumped out of bed crying frantically and found myself calling my dad (who is on call for anesthesia this week) thinking my throat was closing off.  All I could think was I am home alone and there would be no one to help me.  My dad brought me out of my insane state of mind.  People always tell me how wonderful of an anesthetist he is, how caring, calm, and compassionate he is.  I thought I understood them but also know my dad, as a daughter should.  I now can see what they are talking about.  He made a house call to check on me when I could barely lift my head off the pillow.  He calmed me.  My father.

I am gonna be honest.  Sometimes, I wish I felt calmed that easy by my heavenly father.  I call upon him and he doesn't answer me.  I know he is there but feels so far away sometimes.  Why isn't it as easy to feel calmed while saying a prayer, as it is to hear my own father's voice?  He cracks me up, at one point he said, "You know when your throat is closing off, because it would sound like this...(making sucking/suffocating noises)  I laughed because I realized how ridiculous I must sound to him.  I am thankful for a dad with such great humor, so dedicated to his career that it is his life and such a realist he is.

My focus this holiday season is honestly to feel more at peace with the life we have been given and to put Jesus a head of all my wants.  I hear Christmas music and almost cringe because it just gets to be too much.  I feel so good about our simple tasks this year.  So far, we have only made one batch of frosted cookies, not 5, we have decorated our teeny tiny tree that is placed on a table so my sweetie Carsen can't reach it, and I have no presents wrapped.  I just ordered the last of my gifts last minute on amazon and only one will be late.  Heaven forbid one child gets a gift a few days after Christmas.  Christmas is about Christ this year.  I love the music, the presents, the cookies and all that but to be with my family and Matt's has been a priority.

We made it to Peoria last weekend.  This is Matt's mom's family.  They are so much fun to be around.  They are probably the most sarcastic group of cousins that have a blast around each other.  We are only missing one cousin in this pic.  We had one day in Peoria and I spent the day in bed, barely making it to the Christmas party that we have missed the past 4 years.  I was bound and determined to make it for the group shot!

This is just the start of our Christmas gatherings.   I am so thrilled to be feeling better today so that I can celebrate the big 3-0 tomorrow.  Hope everyone has a healthy Christmas filled with family, laughter and Jesus.  My mom always had an ugly crocheted decoration that read, "Jesus is the reason for the season!"  Sounds cheesy, but it is etched in my mind.  Happy Holidays!!!

Christmas Color

I am loving keeping Carsen home more.  I try to keep him home at least once a week because I just plain miss him.  I get so much more done with him home with me.  I know it sounds silly, but I can organize my life better.  We just work together well!  Last week was our day to make Christmas cookies.

So, on a 30 degree day, that is exactly what we did.  Carsen loved to play with the dough...

Mash it...

While I remind myself to continue to believe in my little guy...

His perfect cut outs with only one little finger polk...

Messy?  Not too bad...

Happy?  Yes! Loving the almond flavored dough...

Carsen! You have dough slime all over your face!!  I do?

His masterpiece!  Just perfect!

I love the sea of  bright colored cookies!

Looks like the Lussenden Christmas will be filled with lots of crazy colored cookies!

After all that cookie eating, we figured it was time to head outside for a walk with Saige!

The perfect day for me!

After working the night shift last night, I woke up so tired, but with a lot of good reports from school.  I had emails, voicemails and pictures to back up his day.  I was so thankful that Carsen had such a wonderful day at school and daycare.   After his IEP meeting 2 weeks ago, his teachers, Matt and I came up with a pretty good plan for him.  My favorite plan.  Carsen runs errands in school.  We are trying to find a motivating task for him to ambulate around school more effectively.  Last week his errand was to walk from his classroom to Cork Loge's office and get post-it notes.  He is required to ask for it by a button that is pre-recorded, then walk back to his classroom.  I just love the fact that he is learning to have purposeful tasks AND getting more walking time in.   Walking time always makes my heart content.  Can't explain it any other way.

Carsen uses a switch board to learn cause and effect.  He is very good at using the button.  After using the button for some time now, he is learning that the button will make something move, make noise or light up.  Today, he hit the green switch 11 times to make the music turn on, after it shuts off.  Cool huh?

Another favorite plan in action is the lovely IPAD.  He responded very well to this and it learning to use gentle touches to make bubbles and animals do what he wants.

I am so thankful to Carsen's speech therapist, Rhonda Lair, for believing in him.  Also, for sending pictures to me so that I felt apart of his therapy at school.  I have felt very left out of his life now that he has started school and full time daycare.  So, it helps to see what he is up to.  I miss him dearly and wish that I was the one doing therapy with him.  I can only think how lucky those teacher's/therapist 's are to spend time with him!  They are busy with many children and are making such an effort to do what is best for Carsen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On another thought for tonight....

My hubby is in bed early with a sore throat and nyquil on board so I ruled the TV tonight!  Yay!  Doesn't happen often.  As I sit here paying bills, entering Thirty-one orders, cleaning and occasionally checking a travel website, I turn to look up half way through this commercial and immediatly have large tears streaming down my face.  Tears of hope.

http://www.curepity.org/  Click on Meet Elijah.

I feel blessed to see a sneak peak into other boy's lives.  That we are not alone.  Somehow so comforting. 

As we approach Thanksgiving this week, I am thankful for a good day at school/daycare, a happy 3 year old, my family, Matt's family, my parents good health, and a forgiving God.

Teacher's

I am surrounded by a lot of teacher's lately.  As a nurse we educate our patient's about their health concerns, diagnosis, and plan for their treatment.  It is rewarding.  Although, it probably isn't one of my favorite aspects of being a nurse.  That is why I am glad there are so many amazing teachers.  With any career, there are those who are lazy, crabby, or unhappy.  But, the ones that I notice are those that put in that extra effort, just because they care.  Since my sister has had her little guy, I have paid more attention to her career.  I am so exhaused after I get off the phone with her.  There are no complaints on her end, just explanations of her day.  I even feel nauseated at times thinking about how early she gets up and how late she gets to bed.  We are talking about a lady who really requires 11 hours of sleep and is not getting near that.  Like most mom's, we do whatever it takes to provide and spend that extra time at home with our kids. 

This past week Katie taught her Kindergarten class a very valuable lesson: treating kids with special needs the way they would want to be treated.  She explained Carsen's life and how hard he works to do simple tasks.  They were full of questions and ideas of how to help him.  The next day we visited the class room so that they could see Carsen in his walker.  It was so special to see the kids faces when they saw Carsen.  They were not scared or intimidated.  They were happy, hopeful and full of love! 

 Carsen enjoyed playing with the kids!  He blended in just perfectly!

 The kids were so thoughtful and drew pictures for Carsen.  One the the drawings I am holding has a picture of Carsen walking in his red walker...so detailed!  Such smart kids!

 My heart melted when I was able to meet this special guy!

 Carsen's favorite part....leaving the school!  Because he gets to run!!

 Finally he gets to meet an amazing mom who has four beautiful children.  It was fun to meet someone who loves to read my blog and keep up on what Carsen is doing!  So, glad she got to meet him in person!

I feel so blessed that life is easier for children with special needs than it was when I was growing up.  It makes my job as a caregiver much easier!  Thank goodness for those teachers, mothers, friends or family that educate on what life is like for a child with special needs and how important it is to be kind and to include them in every aspect of our life!

Thank You Katie for teaching your kids what life is like for so many kids and parents.  It is a valuable lesson that not everyone can teach.  Those kids adore you and respect your lessons.  Thank you for being an advocate for us and so many children around you!!  Love you lots!

PJ's

Now that it is dark out by 6:00 P.M., Carsen is in his PJ's by that time.  One of my favorite articles of clothing to buy Carsen are cute pajamas.  Mostly because that means it is cuddle time.  Preschool and daycare have worn him out so he is pretty exhausted most evenings.  Last night, he had a little extra energy so we just let him play.  He played under the table for a long time...

With just enough space for him to fit under the chair...

With a little help from me, he was able to get out and scoot around...chasing after my camera is usually a favorite...

I love the old man PJ's...gotta love Carter's...

We are happy together...although, I am usually wearing my PJ's too.

Thankful

I order my coconut latte, sit on the hard antique bench and wait for a friend that God has placed before me.  She sips her soda and I sip my too-hot-for-kelly latte.  We visit about things most friends don't visit about.  Words like cognitive ablility, autism, cerebral palsy, IEP, and para are passed back in forth.  Situations that only we can understand because we are living the life of raising our children with special needs.  Sometimes I get frusterated because people can't understand why some comments can feel like they are stabbing my stomach.  I don't blame others for not understanding.  How are they suppose to understand?  They arn't.  This is so much easier for me to state because I found a friend the understands how much it hurts, when it hurts and exactly what it feels like.  We are very similar in our lives.  We trust in God, we may question Him, but we trust and keeping listening.  After a long visit, I feel like I have known this mom forever.  I feel so blessed to have her support and guidance!

With Thanksgiving coming up, I am feeling very thankful for many things in my life and wanted to remember this visit.

Thankful for the awesome friends God has given me.  One of the best gifts!

Touched

As the mom's of Carsen's pre-school class get our kids rushed into their room, we have smiles on our faces.  We are smiling because our baby's have grown up and are having their first halloween party at school!

Ay matey!  Carsen is a pirate this year and thinks it is HILARIOUS!  He laughed the whole way he walked into school, looking down at the crazy pants and chuckling out load!  I am not sure if he was thinking, "Man, is the flood coming?" or "Am I going to a circus?"  Who knows.  The outfit was $15.00 and just a tad short...but perfect!  I have never seen a pirate wear braces before and it was the cutest sight!!  Even Matt made sure to come to school and see Carsen all dressed up with his friends.

While rushing to and from work to pick up Carsen on time, it hits me.  I am available for my child and my life is actually working out!  I am a part-time RN and absolutely love my schedule!  When we decided to put Carsen in daycare full-time (another long post) I pondered if going back to work full-time was a good option or not.  But, today, when I picked him up, a little girl in a lady bug costume looked at me and said, "Why are you helping him?"   As I struggled to keep Carsen upright in his walker, and myself upright while doing so in high heel shoes, I simply stated,  "Because I am his mom!"  She was silent.  I thought it was a pretty good answer.  That is why I give most days all of my effort.  Because I am his mom.  I was so proud to tell her that he was my son and that I do everything for him.  Proud to be available to Carsen and honored to be his mom.  My schedule is working out just right because I was the one that got to answer to that little girl, not some stranger helping Carsen.  I am his mom and I love it! 

Speaking of the darnest things kids say, I have to share a facebook inbox post I received a few weeks ago.  I am so touched by the kind hearts children have.  This is what the message read...

Hey kelly,
I just got done reading bits and pieces of your blog. It is truly Amazing. Isaac asked the other day, "Mom, Remember that boy at the RFC. he didnt walk or talk but he had a huge smile." I said yes and pulled up a picture of him on your Facebook page. He said "yeah that's him." Then he asked why he didnt walk. Before I could even answer he said "God made him that way. But he did talk to me that day with his eyes and face." What a 4 year old says really makes you sit and think how truly parents are to have such great children. I have been thinking of you and your family a lot.  I just wanted to let you know you have an amazing family and such great little man in your life. Isaac who is now 4 even remembered after meeting him for a short time. Truly Amazing. Isaac even said "I think he should come and play at our house." Thank you for being so inspirational to all of us moms out there and to my little boy. Enjoy him and your family! I know I would not change being home with my kids for anything (even with those moment of insanity)
Thanks again,
Meredith

I am so grateful for messages like this.  I have been getting a lot of these lately.  I enjoy every positive message we get.  It then inspires me in return to be an even better mom.  I have filled my life with two amazing moms that have helped encourage me to be better at serving vegetables, doing crafts, reading books and the small details that make all the difference.  If I can be encouraged by other moms and I can inspire moms, then our children are gonna be pretty awesome!

One last thought...

I reflect a lot on how I can make things easier for Carsen.  At this moment in his life, kids are the key to his happiness.  The children that give him hugs, say hello and visit with him are what is motivating him.   Why are kids so innocent ? And just how do they know that when a child is nonverbal, there is a possiblity that they are speaking with their eyes and smile?  How did Isaac know that God made him that way?  Kids are so brilliant and I think a lot of us can learn from the things they say.  I am so thankful and so inspired by Isaac's comments.  He is too little to understand how much it means to me that he bonded with Carsen.  They have only seen eachother for such a short time.  Carsen was noticed in a positive way.  We get a lot of looks while walking into school.  Mostly because they are all curious.  I don't feel like they are judging me.  They are just trying to understand what is different.  What they don't know, is that I am paying close attention and trying to figure out how to touch their souls.

Now, that is the fun part of life!

Happy Hunting

We try to get some camo shots of Carsen every Fall.  While waiting for the hungry hunters to come eat dinner, we quickly headed out back of the hunting club before the sun completely set.  

I was glad we did, because I was reminded by a few things that make Carsen smile so big that he doesn't even know I am making him get cute little pics in his Camo vest!

I am reminded that some choices we have made in our life, really were good choices.

Sage...our lab.

I really didn't ever want a dog, but we felt like there is a sort of love a dog can teach a child.

He squirms and squeals and flaps his hands in excitement!

Until she tackles him.

Then, Carsen is right back to watching her every move.

And, smiling at his other favorite, his daddy!

Teaching Sage to fetch is a must for Carsen to watch and be a part of.

Did I get a family portrait out of the deal?  Sure did! 

Do I need to give my husband lessons on holding the sutter half way down to focus before taking the picture? 

Sure do!

Happy Fall and Happy Hunting!

Photographer's blog

Kristin Anne Photography took our pictures the day before we ran the Twin cities 10 Mile.  This is the blog she posted after she was done editing our pictures!  Just want to keep this in our life journal!

Friday, October 7, 2011

Lussenden Family

This family photo shoot is not your typical shoot... or your typical family.  I had the incredible privilege to be a part of this family for one hour last Saturday.  Perfect fall weather was only the beginning.. I was so excited to be able to photograph this family.. for a friend/past client of mine, Katie! 

So here I am, sitting at my computer, on this windy Friday.. crying my eyes out!  I was so taken back by the energetic love between the members of this family, the photo shoot itself was such a treat.  Then I come back to edit the photos, and I'm reminded again how amazingly tight a family can be!

Let me walk you through this family...

We have the rock and foundation of the family.. the parents!

Then, the crazy siblings (spouses count as siblings.. which was never ever a question around this family!)

And their adorable individual families with their kids..

 

 

the boys with their uncle!

the grandkids!

 

 had to include an outtake.. this was fun :)

Now, the reason for this wonderful reunion weekend:  Mr. Carsen!  This family got together to support 4 of the family members running in the Twin Cities 10k that next day.  And as you can see.. they have a reason to keep those feet going when they run.  Sweet Carsen has cerebral palsy.  As Katie stated to me, "he has to work really hard everyday, so we wanted to as well!"  Perfect, absolutely perfect reason to run.

 

 

Thank you to this sweet family for letting me be a part of this and giving me the chance to see such a loving, caring family!