Paint away!

Carsen has the most amazing play room.  When we built our house, I never dreamt that the bonus room would be used so much.  The only problem, how am I suppose to organize and decorate a room this size? 

Our bonus room serves many purposes.  We have our weekly therapy, daily play times, play dates with friends, and evening family time there.  I am so thankful for this amazing room, but it was time for a little bit of art.   Carsen painted the most adorable canvas paintings.  I just let him have at it! 

Before and clean!

 Checking out the colors...

 Very messy, he giggled the whole time.

 Carsen's final project...beautiful!

These will eventually hang on the wall...yes, that makes them more permanent.  But, I absolutely love having art in the house that Carsen had a blast with.  I get the biggest smile when I look at the tiny hand and foot prints in his beautiful paintings!  This was a project for Carsen, but turned out to give me happiness and smiles everytime we use our room.  It is nice to finally have some color!  :)

Eventful day!

We had an awesome weekend at home!  Carsen's room went from boring tan to a very bold blue and grey.  The room makeover was fun, but boy am I glad we are finished!

Before

 Bye, Bye crib :)

After

 Carsen and Matt trying out his new bed!

Curtains and decorations coming soon!!

Now, I didn't get a picture of Carsen doing his "workout" this evening.  But,  I am not kidding, he CRAWLED a couple of little baby crawls.  Didn't expect that did ya?  Me neither!  We have been working on 4 point positioning to strengthen his upper body for well over a year now.  He is so so so so so close to crawling.  This doesn't mean he will crawling all over the place by next week.  Just thought I would update that we are getting closer.  

Also, we went over to our friend's house tonight to watch the Vikings.  I really didn't watch the game much because I had too much fun playing with the kids!  I just have to say, it is such a blessing to watch the typical development of kids.  It is so amazing how fast they learn and pick up on things!   Carsen enjoyed scooting around and playing with new toys and the kitty! 

What a great weekend!  Just wanted to update on the random's of our life!



Christmas came early

I am trying to be on the ball this year with Christmas. 

I think this is the last year I get Carsen gifts early. 

He has already played with 2 of them this evening!  Including his Thomas the train. 

Daddy had just as much fun, if not more.  :)

God chooses Mom

After many discussions with my sister and psychologist (ha ha) Katie, I finally decided to jump into the discussions of My Child without limits Support Community.  This was a HUGE step for me.  I know I drive my MIL nuts with my very private personality.  I keep my secrets for a very long time and share them when I am finally comfortable with my situation.  That is why I started this blog.  I am finally ready to share my heart and beliefs with those who are wanting to learn from Carsen.  I am so happy I started my online support because I have found some amazing parents that write about questions, concerns, challenges and joys.

I feel like sharing this story below because it made my cry like a baby.  No, really...a BIG baby.  I have had many people tell me, "You know, God chose you because He knew YOU could handle it."  Why me?  I never really knew how to take that.  Yes, it made me feel better for that split second, but my mind couldn't drift away from those worries and insecurities I live with.  Guess what, I FINALLY get it! 

Thank you to Katie for encouraging me to talk about our struggles.  I am not being judged, I am being helped and cared for.  (This only took 2 1/2 years to figure out...LOL!!)  Katie spends hours, I mean multiple hours listening to me and crying with me.  Then, to my very open MIL Ruth, Thank you for showing me your secrets to handling stress...I learn more from you than you even know, scary huh? No, thank you!
Thank you to my Mom.  She is an angel!  Really...she is the reason I am happy today.  Thank you to my best friend Genie.  She listens to me, she fights for Carsen, she trys to understand over and over again what I deal with and she is patient with me for months until I snap out of it.  Most importantly, thank you Jesus!  Thank you for forgiving my sins, for I know I am not perfect.

God chooses Mom

Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen? Somehow I visualize God hovering over Earth selecting his instruments forpropagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he instructs his angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

"Armstrong, Beth; son; patron saint, Matthew.

"Forrest, Marjorie; daughter; patron saint, Cecelia.

"Rudledge, Carrie; twins; patron saint.... give her Gerard. He's used to profanity.

" Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles, "Give her a handicapped child."

The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy."

"Exactly," smiles God. "Could I give a handicapped child a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel."

"But has she patience?" asks the angel.

"I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she'll handle it."

"I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence. She'll have to teach the child to live in her world and that's not going to be easy."

"But, Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."

God smiles. "No matter. I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness." The angel gasps, "Selfishness? Is that a virtue?"

God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, there is a woman I will bless with a child who is perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a spoken word. She will never consider a step ordinary. When her child says "Momma" for the first time, she will be present at a miracle and know it! When she describes a tree or a sunset to her blind child, she will see it as few people ever see my creations." "I will permit her to see clearly the things I see---ignorance, cruelty, prejudice--- and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."

"And what about her patron saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in midair.

God smiles. "A mirror will suffice."

The two of us were meant to be!

Thank you everyone for reading and encouraging Carsen!

You all give me the energy to keep up the hard work!!

Happy days!

We spend a lot of time with family! 

The Schmidgall family has lots of kids running around.  It has been so much fun to watch all of them grow up.  Carsen has recently been able to interact with the kids a lot more now that he is scooting. 

I feel so blessed to have such amazing cousins in Carsen's life!

(Please ignore my ridiculous voice)

Then, Cousin Logan decides this looks like fun...until the vacuum starts!

Stone and Taelyn helping Carsen walk, they love pushing/pulling him!

 Kyler and Carsen...need I say more?

 My only niece Brynley is on the move...only Logan can catch up!!

Not the best pic...but we always get PJ pics of the boys. 

Some of our favorite memories and hardest laughs are in the evening time when we are together!

I always used to worry about who would be here for Carsen when he gets older. 

Looks like I don't have to worry anymore.

 He has the most amazing cousins that surround him and love him!

Cousins are those childhood playmates who grow up to be forever friends. -Anonymous

***Carsen has 2 more cousins on the way!***
Aunt Alissa and Uncle Mark are expecting a little boy!  Our 2nd nephew will be here hopefully in the next month.  We can't wait to hold him and play with him!  Then, in less than a month we find out what Aunt Katie and Uncle Kyle are having!  They are due in March and we are so excited to have more cousins for Carsen!!



Simplicity

When I was pregnant with Carsen, I thought I was going to be "the bomb" as a Mom! 

Ha Ha!

I was having a conversation with our charge nurse.  I told her how OCD I was about my house.  I couldn't stand that Matt would throw his clothes in the laundry basket and have the legs of his pants still hanging outside.  Yes, she giggled and said "well, that will change when you have a baby." 

I really thought she was stupid for telling me that.  How can a baby change that about me?  I guess I was totally, totally, totally CLUELESS!!!!!!  Someone above had a bigger plan for me than just becoming a mom.  Little did I know, I would be learning a whole new language.

I have learned an unexplainable amount of information in the last few years.  One thing in particular I have been attempting to learn from Carsen is the ability to enjoy the simple things in life. 

SIMPLE...that word just calms my soul!

This chaotic, fast-paced world we live in has taught mothers to multi-task more things our brains were ever meant to multi-task.  (Does that make sense?) So, my new mission as a mom is to sit back and watch.    Enjoy my little boy for who he is and what he has become. 

The past few weeks Carsen has enjoyed exploring.  These are some things he has found.

Fall leaves. 
Aww, the smell, the sound, the warmth and ohhhh that noise.
It has captured Carsen's attention for a very long time.

(The sit and reach will be no problem for him)

Cords. 
What is it about cords that kids love.  Here is Carsen scooting to get the cord of our blinds. (I realize my house is not "baby proofed.") 

I watched Carsen play with these cords for at least 30 mins.  The joy on his face to catch that swinging cord, back and forth.  The hundreds of dollars worth of toys sitting throughout every area of the house for him to play with, left untouched.  Then I realize how blessed he is to be able to use those little tiny hands to grab, push and play with the delicate little strings. 

I ponder on what thought's run through his mind.

How simple life is for him.   I sigh, smile and we move onto other things.

*Thank you God for this amazing little boy I have, for he has taught me to appreciate the simple joys!*

Fall Photoshoot

Mr. C decided to charm us with his beautiful smile.  Auntie Alissa captured some precious pictures!

Check them out!

How will I pick which ones to blow up??

Scooter

Carsen might get a new nickname.  You should see this kid!  He is moving all over the place!  I was feeling guilty this evening.  I took time out of our family day to go for one last, long bike ride on a gorgeous Fall day.  The whole 20 mile ride I missed Matt and Carsen.  I wondered, "What was I missing out on at home?"  Thinking, "I should have stayed home."   I couldn't resist time to myself!

 Matt had put Carsen down to play on his colorful play mat.  When I walked in the door, I was surprised to find that Carsen had a new play space...

He wanted that little tiny strap to play with under his high chair.  It may be something only a mother would think was cute, but I was so proud to have seen him move so far to get something so little.

For this...he may be called "Scooter."  But, only for a little while, I am sure he will find some new activity and we will move on from this stage.  That would be fine by me!



Carsen's "RUNNER"

I remember that day like yesterday.  That day had finally come.  Our 6th grade one mile run for phy-ed!  I was so oddly excited!  You see, I have looked up to my Dad, FOREVER.  Since he loved the sport, (yes, running is a sport) of course, I was going to thrive off running.  It was only natural for me to live for that race day.   Mom was there to video tape my run and cheer me on.  All I cared about was what my Dad would say or think during that gruesome one mile run.  Now, this is where Carsen comes into play, finally!  Carsen was about 12 months old, undiagnosed, with a desperate mother.  I was willing to do anything to find answers for my little buddy.  All of a sudden, there was a commercial on T.V. that had the most adorable boy I will never forget.  His name was Noah and he had Cerebral Palsy.  Watch this 30 second video...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iaNokB9uCtE

He calls his walker his "runner"!  I just heard that Noah is walking without his "runner"! Amazing huh?  Well, he has been my inspiration for Carsen.  I always questioned, "Will Carsen ever walk? Will he ever talk?, Will he ever say mama or dada?  Will he be able to communicate his needs to me?" In the past year it was very important for me to include Carsen in as many therapy sessions possible.  I felt like every long drive to Alexandria would be worth it.  This month I found out how worth our efforts have been.  My driving him to therapy was nothing compared to how hard he has worked to achieve these goals.  Two weeks ago, I was waving to Carsen in the mirror like we do as we pass by.  He LOVES to watch himself in the mirror.  I was tired from a long shift, did the usual wave and said, "hi Carsen".  The most angelic, sweet little voice drew out his first word "hiiiiiiiiii"  and then he repeated it two more times.  Words can't describle how emotional I was at that point! We screamed for Matt to come and listen but of course he was done.  Since that day, we have heard him say it two more times.  Do you realize how amazing it was to hear the voice of my child who has never spoken to me?  This means I CAN and WILL teach him to talk.  Then, he preceded to amaze me by using sign language to show me that he wanted "more"!  Carsen's special Ed teacher (not to mention the best teacher EVER), his OT and Speech therapist have worked many hours into teaching him to sign for "more" and it was finally accomplished and purposeful!  Okay, it gets better!  Carsen has been sitting really well by himself for a while now, but has learned to spin around in circles while playing.  Just this week he started to scoot himself forward on his butt.  Again, what a joy to watch!  I know I am bragging...but it is a good brag.  Better yet, I am not done! We ordered a gait trainer (basically a fancy walker) for Carsen to start learning how to walk.  He is not only walking by himself in it, he is walking up to a 1/2 mile.  This is where the running comes into play! :)  He has learned if he starts to walk really fast, then he can start to run a few steps, then glides with his legs up and takes a ride.  My little guy is running!!!  When I had Carsen my dad would mention how Carsen's legs would "run a 4 minute mile"!  Always a little bummed by that statement knowing that dream was probably not going to happen.  I guess we had to change our dreams a bit!  I never pictured a walker in our dreams.  I am so proud of Carsen in his "runner".  If you ever take a drive out by our house, you will see Carsen doing his daily walk.  He even inspires men driving by in cement trucks.  The smile on the faces of those men when they see him working so hard makes me so proud to show him off.  Well, see for yourself!!  He looks a little like this... (watch video below)



Carsen in his red "runner," sporting his camo braces! :)



Carsen showing off his moves...guess I couldn't get the video flipped, ENJOY!

What do you suppose he will be showing us next week? 

I guess time will tell!  I have already been blessed a million times!

An Old House

I am awake.  It is 3:36 A.M.  Unable to sleep. Why can’t I sleep? I have been awake every night for the past 2 weeks, unknowing what is wrong with my child in the middle of the night. Matt lays our soft, sweet little boy next to me in bed, and for once, he is sleeping and wants to cuddle. Why can’t I sleep? All that comes to my mind is an old house.

Carsen started to watch cartoons. What a blessing! Sesame street was teaching the four seasons. Sounds simple, but how do I teach my son the amazing 4 seasons? How will he learn this? How did I learn this?

There are comforting noises in our house.  Why is the noise of a running toilet comforting? Why is the noise of the hard wood floor creaking comforting? The old house! There is an old house only a few miles from me that has kept me up tonight. Why?

It brings me back to my flower, dark navy wallpaper. I was told this week that is has all come down. My shelf with my favorite pictures has gone away. They took it away!! My memories, my childhood, my comfort! When I think of my room, I remember the noises of the toilet water running, floors creaking, hollow doors being knocked on, old telephones ringing, mom laughing, dad visiting with mom, the fireplace screeching, piano music (how I miss this and am thankful for Pandora) the sound of feet running across the floor, Mark's giggles, Ryan’s laugh, Katie’s gentle voice, a basketball game in the basement, the garage door opening, constantly. What a busy house…and it is busy with four new kids!

I thought, this is how I learned my seasons. I recall Fall time.  My dad taught me that. How did he do it?? The smell of his hunting clothes, the sound of the gun in a distance and the noise of the dog barking outside. Winter. The howling winds through my window, the warm food mom has made everynight, the smell of chlorine in my hair. Spring and Summer remind me of the smells of fresh cut grass and our family spashing in the pool.

There are memories of an old house that keep me up at night. What is it about a childhood that keeps an exhausted mother, wife and nurse up in the middle of the night? What smells or thoughts will Carsen remember? This is how I will teach my son that has difficulty learning. My actions, the food I make, my laugh, Matt’s voice, the music played, the noise of his wave machine, the sound of the heat kicking in and the sounds of our prayers, .

Although that house has been redone, my childhood memories and past cannot be taken away! How I miss my family. Look at what God has done in my life. I am blessed.

What a powerful old house! Now, let me sleep!!